Aristocles

Aristocles Loanik (Also known as Aristocles "the Rock") is considered by most historians and philosophers as the greatest thinker to come out of Knathia, and possibly the greatest thinker who has ever lived. The Saintologist theologian Alcas Vertas has been quoted as saying, "We are all still just children of Aristocles."

Aristocles is believed to have lived at the height of Knathian power, near the beginning of the classical period. Little is known about him personally. Although he appears as the character "Loanik" in most of his writings, the character is always addressed in the third person and always comes out at the losing end of the argument. A school grew up around the writings of Aristocles shortly after his death and many members attributed mystical powers to him, but it is not clear that any of the members knew him in life.

Much of the appeal of Aristocles' writing stems from the fact that he wrote stories instead of the philosophical treatise his predecessor wrote. This allowed Aristocles to create multiple characters who could interrogate ideas until they fell apart, with the most absurd argument coming from the character of Loanik. It also allowed Aristocles to insert moments of pathos, genuine emotion and absurd humor. The most famous example of the latter comes from the dialogue "Tenias", where Aristocles introduces his Twelve Truths. This starts statements of moral philosophy, veers off to talk about table manners, and ends with a statement of profound skepticism that invalidates the whole list.

The most controversial dialogue is also probably Aristocles's last: "Karafax". In this dialogue, Loanik meets the "Seven Immaculate Sages," the leader of which is named Karafax. When Loanik enters the scene, the Sages are all discussing a philosophical question without stating what the question actually is. The "Karafax" is considered a masterclass in classic philosophy, working in references to a dozen different philosophers, some of whom are only known from this dialogue. The reasoning is considered sharp and sophisticated.

However, after exactly 4000 words or 8765 syllables - both symbolic numbers in that period - it is revealed that the question being discussed is "Why do people fart?" Loanik goes berserk, slams Karafax through a table, proclaims himself the "People's Philosopher" and leaves the scene. Historians still don't agree on what this is about.

Trivia

 * Aristocles Loanik is inspired by Pythagoras, Plato, Socrates and Dwayne Johnson.
 * According to Diogenes Laërtius, "Aristocles" was Plato's birth name.
 * Also according to Diogenes, Aristocles was given his nickname "Plato" by his wrestling coach, meaning "Broad," and it became the name he was known by.
 * Dogenes may not have known what he was talking about.